Accepting Rejection: Insights from 50 Years of Writing Experience

Experiencing rejection, notably when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is declining your work, delivering a firm “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I began proposing story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had multiple books declined, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. Over the past score of years, specializing in commentary, the refusals have multiplied. On average, I get a rejection every few days—totaling over 100 times a year. Overall, rejections in my profession exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Not at all. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced being turned down.

How Did I Achieve It?

For perspective: Now, almost each individual and others has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 pieces one after another before approving one. In 2016, over 50 editors declined my book idea before one approved it. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor requested that I submit my work only once a month.

My Steps of Rejection

Starting out, every no hurt. I felt attacked. I believed my work was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would go through the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? Why would editors be overlook my talent?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the mistake? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. Worse, I can never become successful.

This continued over many years.

Great Examples

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Stories of creators whose books was at first turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his youth squad. The majority of US presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone says that his Rocky screenplay and bid to star were declined repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I achieved the last step of rejection. Understanding. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. For starters, an publisher may have already featured a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or be thinking about a similar topic for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or maybe the editor thinks I lack the credentials or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am offering. Or was busy and read my submission hastily to see its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are forever beyond your control.

Within Control

Additional reasons are under your control. Admittedly, my ideas and work may sometimes be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the point I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or a part about my grammar, especially dashes, was offensive.

The point is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a personal story, at 65—and more than 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in publications major and minor, in diverse outlets. An early piece ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to that publication for 50 years.

Still, no bestsellers, no signings at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily take no at my age, because my, small successes have cushioned the jolts of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What lessons have I learned?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What